SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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