we're blogging at a bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
