i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
