Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You are a genius and a whore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
