Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
