return my video game
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Panties = found
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
