WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
