I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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