bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
