so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You took a bar mat shot.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
