If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
