Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
