Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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