do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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