So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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