I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
