He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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