I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
