when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
