I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
