I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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