last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
