her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
