Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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