new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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