True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize