dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
farters have to be the big spoon...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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