I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you never un-have a 4some
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
