So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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