there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
