4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
