thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
