For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize