I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
