My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
