I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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