It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Even the bartender felt bad for me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
