you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
