Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
