my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize