TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
