Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
