Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
