Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
do nipples grow back?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
