Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
