U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
