Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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