after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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