i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize