Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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