For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
