I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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