He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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