grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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