wanna go halves on a baby?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
