in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
