i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
