Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
