dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize