I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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