I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize