I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
