He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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