i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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