for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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