Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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