i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
