i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
