We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
