I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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