nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
