Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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