Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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