Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
