STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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